On a plumbing company's van:
"A flush beats a full house!"

A sign at a little restaurant:
"Eat here or we'll both starve"

In the bathroom of a mom and pop store:
"We aim to please, so, please, you aim too."

Sign on a retail store door:
PUSH, if it doesn't open,
PULL, if it still doesn't open,
WE ARE CLOSED.

On a plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Another pizza shop slogan:
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a drycleaners:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"